The Affliction of Disengagement

I feel free to finally be my self again. Somehow, in the midst of it all, the past seemed to characterise my essence. It owned me. No present could be as beautiful because of my history. However, today, I feel free to be the true me; finally.

Ironically, my past as I look back has led me to experiences to teach me particular lessons in the journey of me. There is a rich sweetness in knowing that there is a real purpose in living. If only it were to breathe and experience the world in its natural state. We miss this sometimes because of the lives we think we are expected to live.

By a long shot, the last few years put me at F for accomplishment but did the day end? Yes!

Was I halted on my journey for not making the progress I felt should have been made that day? Most definitely not! I had only done that to myself by beating myself down every morning, doing it well enough not even to be able to leave my bed. When did I become so cowardly? When was my mind so corrupted with doubt and deceit that I didn’t trust my intentions for the day? How had my dreams been reduced to successfully running a bakery?

Is it society telling me that’s not working hard enough or is it because I am stuck in the mud so deep that my mind prefers not to switch on at all? I had gazillion problems to solve, and none of them was enjoyable. They all hinged on why specific systems were not working; looped questions about why why why always ending up in exhaustion and despair for which I was ill-prepared.

These are words I wrote in 2014. I did not know that I would be where I am now. I have since completed an inspiring course at the Institute for National Transformation, had a third baby, untangled from a profound loss of self and embarked on a 20-year plan for my life. It is interesting how easy it is to disengage from the reality of what your essence is.

Now I know it is a touchy thing altogether in our African Society to mention the individuality of a person as being something to concentrate on and know well. We are encouraged from a young age to look outside of ourselves and serve outwardly hardly any mention of the inner (wo)man. One which distinguishes us from each other and bears the unique imprint of our Creator in our original creation.

There has been discussion around the role the middle class have in developing the nation and mainly, the positioning they have made for themselves in the regional geopolitics. Many will say that there is an aversion to nation-building leadership and more drive towards economic stability and normalcy independent of the state’s affairs. I am nearly confident that these discussions do not surface for the first time but that they have over time been spun through a flywheel where generations have taken off or stayed stagnant.

The purpose of sharing my emotions five years ago was to draw attention to how easily one can slip away from their goal. Through circumstances in life, holding a victim mentality or simply not taking the responsibility to become. When these things happen, we stray from the inner guiding light and attach to flimsy trends. In the process, we lose our ability to meaningfully engage with life as it is presented to us today.

In Uganda, there are layers and layers of mirages that present as truths, and yet they really aren’t. And we have accepted them. This is what disengagement causes us to become.

When we dissociate with the essence of who we are and the role we play in the collective effort of nation-building, we begin to call horrendous things admirable. The dreadful things happen over and over, and we excuse them into our culture by slowly praising them. Thus, the price we pay today is broken families, ill-gotten wealth, and unhealthy appetites for things we are not entitled to.

In various discussions, I have sought to understand why people are in the places of employment they are and are pursuing the things that they are. A vast majority has believed that they should take what is on offer to them. Whether they feel it is aligned with their purpose or that they are competent for the work. When we allow the need for survival to dictate the actions we take to stay alive, then the orientation we build around ourselves is futile. We should not expect different results, i.e. orderly, law-abiding society, which is considerate of state resources. I can feel those readers who may think that I do not understand the state of the economy or the hardships on families, but I do. And I am saying that it is time to starting easing up on the pressure to marry off our young sons and daughters until they have nobly established themselves. That we begin to teach our daughters that childbearing and nurturing the family is full-time work and so they ought to enter into it when they have thought it through. If these truths are spoken, then there will be a greater appreciation for finding our individual purpose and connecting them to the bigger picture.

In turn, there will be more on the line to lose in the years of toiling and accomplishing our individual purposes. The answer to the affliction of disengagement has been one; finding yourself first. Do not be afraid to ask yourself why you do what you do. And if the answer does not sit well with your spirit, you have permission to align it with that which is true and which was made for your execution. When the middle class rises to this occasion, we will be all the better for it. They will begin to seek knowledge of systems they were previously afraid of and open to constructively challenge those ideas that do not align with prosperity, ease of business, and unity.

So share here today; especially for those of our esteemed citizens that are in leadership positions (mainly interested in MPs) Why did you chose to be where you are today?

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